great pretender.

There are people who see us blissful, have a smile in their lips, they're wonderful in dealing with other people,they can dance gracefully, sing in different tune,crack jokes all the time and laugh all night long….

But try to make a pause… in one snap it can change all you believe it is.

Even how many happy faces they can show, there still one point for me to realize that I am right. I can see in their eyes that although they're happy, it is still agonizing inside. I admired them the way they handled it. I wonder how will the pain last and until when they suffer from being imprison to themselves. I can’t see the point, I can’t understand why they tend to be silent even though they're hurting inside.

I lay down on my bed thinking what are the probable reasons why they need to keep it to themselves. Why they prefer to fool themselves believing the pain will go on without solving it. They are becoming dependent on time, without helping themselves.

I see myself to this person (nameless haha). Through my darkest days before, I choose to be self-reliant of my problems. I admit that I am a great pretender when it comes in my emotions. Everytime I started to feel bad or feel lonely, that was the time I pretended that I’m happy. The more I felt lonely, the more I’d pretend I’m happy. But one thing can people recognize me if my laughter was real. They can see it in my eyes. (Revelation haha). I can’t pretend to myself that I’m happy but it’s more difficult to teach my eyes to pretend.

What’s my point?

Back in my high school days, I was afraid to tell my friends what’s going on. I was afraid on seeing my friends lonely and felt bad because of me. I hate sharing my feelings because I knew they will sympathize to comfort me. That was a waste of time! I pretended that Iwas happy and no problems for them not to be bothered. I never became sarcastic to them, I acted like that only when I felt problematic. I hoping that with simple smile and slight laugh can light my path and erase all the problems within. That was before, I’ve changed now. I grew up. (Not by height! Haha)

Then my best friend arrived and confronted me, asking if there was a problem. Even how hard I shed my face and how many times I commanded my eyes to behave, still my tears flowed down. My mind and my emotions did not meet anymore. I cried to the bone and released all the pain I felt inside. (sniff sniff) it felt like there’s no ending. Then my best friend embraced me. I didn’t stop until the pain started to fade away. Even without words through my tears with the presence of my best friend It took like my problem was solved (I don’t know how to describe but the feeling was so good).

I‘ve learned that even if how many friends you have, there still one who can feel the same with you. Who can sense if there’s something wrong with you even it seems clueless. The one who knows what makes you happy and the one knows what makes you mad. The one who can understand you even there’s no reasons to understand. The one who could make you feel safe. Finally, the one who can say through his/her eyes saying “I care”.

So I hope you already found the one for you. =}